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Daydreaming

  • Jul. 2nd, 2007 at 9:21 AM

Can someone tell me how it is I can feel so sad today. Maybe it's jet lag right? maybe the nicotine withdraws? You know when you have those dreams that are so real that you are disappointed when you wake up and it's gone? that's exactly how I feel today. Maybe a weeks time is enough to accurately get an idea of a culture of an entire city but I will tell you I have learned enough to fall in love. it is almost unbelievable that a society can exist where people are so open and stress free. I think if I close my eyes tight enough maybe I can transport myself to this place once more for just a second in the depths of my memories. I feel like I have learned a bit while on my vacation about who I am and what I seek in this lifetime. I know that my feelings of needing to leave this city are true. I believe it has served its purpose for me and it is time to move on but unfortunately I have a couple more years of school left. you had better believe I will make the most of that time and prepare myself to be ready for new heights.
 
So maybe for today I will mourn the end of my trip and in my mind say a soft goodbye for now. today I will weep, not over the the past and what I have left behind but the new opportunities I see for the future and the endless possibilities I am about to encounter. today is one of those days that I will remember for some time to come. It is one of those days where I sit and ponder what it all means and write until my fingers are sore and bleed. I will write about the veils that have been lifted from my eyes. One more layer removed so that I may see more clearly and have a deeper understanding of this thing called life so that I may reach one step further into becoming this enlightened being I strive to be. One more mark on the wall for how tall I have grown. This is that day. the day it all comes together and makes me sign and maybe even cry. Yup, this day I will remember.

Homeward bound

  • Jul. 1st, 2007 at 4:31 AM

 here today I sit in frankfurt Germany waiting to catch a plane to go home. We missed our flight yesterday and so we will make it back late this evening. I have to say i am so ready to be home but at the same time I do not want to leave. I could not have asked for a better trip. What a beaustiful city Amsterdam is. So many great places and people. I have lived on the wild side for a week now. Great food, great smoke, great beer and even some great friends. 

I think it will be hard to recover once I am home. I think it will take a few weeks before my lungs recover and I might just have to do a juice fast to detox from all of the ciggerettes and alchol (and other things). Anyone want to run with me? there is a race coming up in october that looks like fun. maybe I will wait until tuesday to start back to the gym, I need at least one day of sleep and from the looks of it 6am will come very early monday considering we are not getting back into town until very late. I must warn that i might be a bit unproductive at work monday. between the exhaustion from the lack of sleep and the daydreaming of amsterdam i might be in a bit of a cloud. i am not ready to be back in the real world yet. Maybe I will lay down for a while and close my eyes and dream of walking through the beatiful streets of amsterdam, listening to the chimes of the bicycle bells and enjoying the company of a new friend. Ok I am off to go daydream for a while, more about my trip later.

peace

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My current life in 84 questions

  • Jun. 15th, 2007 at 11:51 AM

My current life in 84 questions

1] What was the highlight of your weekend?
 Hmmm.... good friends, good beer and a rockin party!

2] Who's car were you in last?
mine

3] When is the next time you will kiss someone?
never know, could be today... I like to kiss ;)

4] What color shirt are you wearing?
brown

5] How long is your hair?
middle of my back, just long enough to pull *wink*

6] Current favorite movie?
Muppets in space, this will forever be #1

8] Last movie you watched?
I haven't a clue


9] Last thing you ate?
Peanut butter sandwich

10] Last thing you drank?
water, i'm at work, no fun here

11] Where did you sleep last night?
in my bed

14] What did you say last?'
stupid work chatter

15] Where is your phone?
on my desk

17] What color are your eyes?
breathtaking blue

19] Who came over last?
the fire troop

21] Who/what do you dislike currently?
being here at work

22] What are you listening to?
WNKU public radio

23] If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
A sexy man to take me in his arms and do dirty things to me

24] What is your favorite scent?
jasmine

25] Who makes you happiest?
My dog niobe when she smiles

26] What were you doing at midnight last night?
dreaming of amsterdam

30] Are you left-handed?
yup

31] Spell your name without vowles.
nd rddr

34] What's for dinner tonight?
guiness

34] What is the last alcoholic beverage you had?
guiness last night on the porch

35] When Is Your Birthday?
May 6th, stubborn like a bull

36] Who was the last person to send you an IM message?
what's that?

38] Last time you went swimming in a pool?
maybe a few years ago, I'm a country girl it's all creeks and rivers for me

39] Where was the last place you went shopping?
krogers

40] How do you feel about your hair right now?
sassy!

42] AIM or MSN?
again, what is this?

46] Where does most of your family live?
Cincinnati

47] Are you an only child or do you have siblings?
twin sisters, trouble makers really

48] Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?
yes, i make sure of it.

49] What was the first thing you thought when you woke up?
I wish the dog would stop licking my cheek and let me sleep

50] Do you drink beer?
do you breath air?

52] Myspace or Facebook?
myspace

53] Do you have T-Mobile?
nope

54] What is your favorite subject in school?
art or course

55] What type of boy/girl do you usually fall for?
tall, dark hair, witty. Oh and maybe one that is a bit dominant, spicy!

57] Do you have any talents?
lots but i will have to show you later

58] Have you been in a wedding?
yes and it was a blast

59] Do you have any children?
yes, my mini me isabelle

62] Ever met anyone famous before?
yes, lots


63] Do you want to be famous one day?
nope, not at all

64] Favorite Actress(es)?
angelina, nice on the eyes

65] Are you multitasking right now?
yes, but i should be working

66] Could you handle being in the military?
never

67] What is your average cell phone bill?
don't know my daddy still pays it, I know thats bad right?

68] Do you believe in Karma?
3 fold

69] Last time you went to the gym or worked out?
yesterday, danced at the studio

70] How many pairs of shoes do you own?
maybe 100-150, i have a bit of a problem

71] Last place you drove to?
to work

72] Ever been to Las Vegas?
no, but i can't wait to see the strippers

73] what are you doing today?
working and then driving to a regional burn fest to set lots of things on fire!

74] Have you ever been gambling?
yes, with someone else's money

75] When is the last time you updated your blog?
right now

76] Have you been to New York City?
yup and I luv it

78] Do you have a favorite cartoon character?
I love them all so its too hard to pick

79] Last thing you cooked?
ramen, sadly

80] Hows the weather?
i have no clue but its freezing in this building

82]Stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
dropped it in the toilet

83]Last time you were sick?
i haven't a clue

84] Do you think anyone will repost this???
No way

Current Location: taylor mill ky, working

Passport

  • Jun. 7th, 2007 at 2:27 PM

Well I got my passport last night. Wow! that was fast. I sent the info to the company fed ex saturday morning and received it on wednesday. So if you ever need a passport in a pinch i have you covered :) Well this is it, this means I really do get to go. I am so excited! I am ready to go have a blast, besides I could sure use it. If you know me well then you know I have been busting my tail the past couple of years to get some things acomplished and this is right up my alley. I hope to meet some cool people and party my socks off! I will be leaving exactly two weeks from today! What ever will I wear? and shoes, OMG how am I going to decide which shoes to take? So many things to do and so little time!

Shhh...

  • Jun. 6th, 2007 at 4:15 PM

Why is it that I am constantly being told to shhh? My opinions are to strong and my voice is to loud. everytime I start to think that the world is coming closer to being an equal playing field i get some smack in the face to remind me that I am a girl.  Ok, don't worry boys, I am very happy to be a girl and I am not changing that for anything. but why do you have to treat me like a girl? I mean I am a very intelligent young lady who has just as much of a valid opinion as you do, without the penis. I don't think that I need to have different organs to make my points more valid or worth listening to. It just doesn't make any sense. What in the hell is this world coming to. Today we live in a society where woman's lib has gotten the men to stop opening doors or walking on the outside of the sidewalk but they still can't treat us as human beings. I didn't sign up for that deal.. did we get the short end of the stick or what? Ok so i am a little fired up about my boss telling me I talk to loud today when he and the "boys" stand around loudly laughing and discussing their golf plans. And if he looks at me one more time and talks to me like a stupid girl who just doesn't understand the big boy talk I think i might be forced to kick him in the shin.

Believe it or not I was treated better when I worked in the booby bar than now in this corporate hell I call a job.

Ok, I think i feel a bit better now. nothing a glass of wine and a good woman's rights movie can't fix tonight.

my skirt

  • Jun. 5th, 2007 at 1:02 PM

Swirling, twirling with my skirt over my head, hiding from the outside. No one can see me under my ruffles and lace. Giggling, happy, safe inside my shield. Maybe you can come play too, but only if I invite you. I want to invite someone into my shell but you can't tell. Don't say a word, shhh, mums the word, no one can no that I am here. I am hiding you see, hiding from all of the seekers, I don't want to be tagged again, then I will have to sit on the sides and watch everyone else play. So I will hide and twirl and swirl, faster and faster, dizzy inside my shell until I can no longer smell the stench of the outside world. Only the sweet jasmine that I layer my skin with will fill my air inside of my safe place, happy space, over the barrier and through the gates. Metal, locked, stocked ready for war. no one will intrude, protrude on my peace.if I could only let them be, I would never be found, safe and sound, but I can resist the temptation and so I must yell "Olly Olly Oxen Free" and then they come for me.

ramblings

  • Jun. 5th, 2007 at 12:44 PM

Oh where, oh where could you be my dear?
Is the end of your journey drawing near?
I am here, waiting, anticipating your arrival,
the reward for my survival of this thing called life.
growing, learning, changing, everyday to prepare for whatever lye ahead for me to come upon instead of this spawn of strife I have called my life.
I have worked my soul to the bone to hone my insecurities and lunacy
so you may see the real me and not the psychosis that I have worn as a disguise
to hide what lies beneath the surface of me.
Under the facade of pain that surrounds me is an innocent and trusting being,
naive to the evils of this world who wants to be coddled like a precious pearl
inside your shell of protection.
 
But beware,
An infection I may cause
to your fragile pincer like a toxic elixir on the tip of your tongue.
The pain will start slowly at first
and rise through your veins until the rage and anger contains
enough force to explode to an uncontrollable convulsion, a spasm of clarity and you will see that no one can love me.
 
For to do so will spill your good intentions onto the floor
until they contain no more a respect for me and you will flee, 
run, run away my dear, do not fear,
I will not follow, 
I would rather wallow once again in the self pity of my loneliness.
I must confess you see
 I fear my dear that the psychosis is not a disguise but instead an extension of my own skin,
the shell I am in that cannot be removed and tucked away for a rainy day.
It cannot be discarded or cast aside,
I must carry it to remind me of the life I left behind.
I need to recollect on the torment of my past so that I will know to look forward and not back
to the blackness of my previous existence.
 Only in this will I be able to control the anger in my soul
so that I may be able to progress to light that waits for me,
 and you,
in the stew  
of stories we will make as we take on the road ahead.

Why?

  • Jun. 5th, 2007 at 12:42 PM

Why?  
 Why do you hide your self away from me? 
 I swear my intentions are pure and sweet 
 not an ounce of malice or mean.  
 
 It is not my choice that I  melt inside 
 when you walk by, it is you who calls me.  
 You call me without intention, an intervention  
 on my concentration of mind,  
 you break through my solid defense with your soft voice and sparkling eyes.  
 A disguise maybe.  
 could it all be,   
 just  a ruse to make you my muse.  
 
 Maybe perhaps,  
 but I will penetrate the trap you have laid for me 
  to fall so blindly in,  
 even if I do not win in the end,  
 for it is the ride that I seek.  
 The journey is my prize and I will ride out the storm if only for the belief in fate.  
 
 See, I believe, 
 what will be will be,  
 and if to fight against the grain of life,  
 is to fight against the nature inside.  
 I nor you will choose how we feel,  
 only how we deal with the hand that has been laid on our table,  
 unable to be understood, we must flow with the sands of time.  
 
 The truths will come out, if you open your eyes to the joys of today,  
and experience the bliss that can be contained in a single moment.  
 One split second of time,  
 like when I awoke with your arms around me only to settle your snore,  
 so I may dream once more.  
 That second of euphoria, when I could still taste your kiss running across my sweet lips.  
 One moment frozen in time  to save for a rainy day, so I may close my eyes and rouse at will that same joy again.  
 So why is it that you hide?  
 Afraid of the ride?   
 Hush Baby, Don't worry,  
 get in and we will float along and sing a song of joy and reverie  
 and dream of simpler times when our lives were easy and carefree.  
 So will you come with me and free your mind of  all your worries and your fears  
 trust in mehere you are safe and free to just be.  
 Think of the sweet touch of my kiss and the bliss we will find in the depths of our minds  
 when we let go and let what will be, be.   
 

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